Mom intercepts 14-year-old daughter's phone flips out when her friend calls her weird for doing it: 'Chloe can't talk right now, she's busy with homework'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 25, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

In this modern age, taking note of how your child uses technology like a mobile phone and internet access is a concern for many parents. It is understandable, seeing as the worst dangers associated with unmonitored usage of these things are probably every parent's nightmare. Also, most grown adults struggle to have a healthy relationship with their screens, so how is a young person going to be any better?

By the same token, it is important for moms and dads to balance their screen time supervision with some respect for their children's autonomy, especially as they grow into adolescence. It's not like they are going to be able to spend their whole lives with somebody looking over their shoulder, and also, they have a right to a certain level of privacy. Most kids just want to be able to scroll social media and text their friends without feeling like they're being watched.

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    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

  • One mom faced this problem head-on recently when she and her teenage daughter faced the wrath of her daughter's friend's controlling mom, Gina. Gina had a tendency to check her child Chloe's phone, and would often text her friends when she was in possession of it. This led to an argument between her and her daughter's friend, who felt she was being impolite when she asked her when her friend would be free to talk. 

    The other mom agreed with her kid that Gina's behavior was strange when she called her and told her to monitor her daughter's behavior. This led to a disagreement, and she wanted validation that she hadn't gone too far.

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    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)
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    AITA for agreeing with my daughter it is weird her friend's mom has access to their conversations?

    My daughter is 14 years old and has a friend "Chloe". She and Chloe have been friends for a little over a year now. Chloe's mom "Gina" is someone I'd consider pretty strict. I was aware she'd check Chloe's phone (and I know a lot of parents do this), but I found out a few months ago through my daughter that she'd respond through Chloe's phone to Chloe's friends, including my daughter. It was never anything overkill, just "Chloe can't talk right now, she's busy with homework" or whatever. I thoug
    via Immediate-Phrase-999
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    I got a call from Gina earlier this afternoon. She was very pred off and told me that my daughter was r de, I needed to start monitoring what she says, etc. I asked her what exactly happened and she said my daughter gave her an attitude via text. I was still very confused and asked why they were texting. Gina became exasperated and snapped "Through Chloe's phone!!" I told her I'd call her back and asked my daughter specifically what happened. My daughter willingly showed me her texts. She had te
    via Immediate-Phrase-999
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    I told my daughter next time, just don't engage. I did also say it wasn't kind to call someone a weirdo and not to do it again, but that I also understood her frustration. I didn't punish her, she seemed receptive to the talk and I left it at that. I called Gina back and told her I had spoken to my daughter and handled the problem. Gina started ranting that I need to monitor my daughter's phone and have I seen some of the things she talks about? She started on crushes, rants about teachers, sayi
    via Immediate-Phrase-999
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    Now, Gina is angry with me, My daughter doesn't care that I said all of this. However, my husband thinks that I shouldn't have said it, as it didn't solve anything, and Gina can parent how she wants. I said I never commented on Gina's parenting, until she tried to undermine/insult mine. AITA?
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    Commenters didn't thing she had done wrong, although some worried for Gina's daughter.

    Dense_Island_5120 NTA. But truthfully, Gina is psycho weird and seems obsessed to punish your daughter. Your daughter may think she has a safe space with her friend but Gina can manipulate what your daughter is saying. Gina can also impersonate your daughter's friend and have her expose something personal. Unfortunately, I wouldn't let my daughter be close friends with this person. There is a big liability for your daughter to go to Gina's home/text her friend when the mother is constantly monit
    via Dense_Island_5120
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    Immediate-Phrase-999 OP It seems like Gina isn't going to allow Chloe to talk to my daughter anymore. Via text, anyway. My daughter feels confident they can still talk at school. So, hopefully, that'll cut coo-coo for Coco Puffs out of our lives.
    via Immediate-Phrase-999
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    5footfilly You should have been the one to cut contact. If another adult had been "monitoring" my daughter's private conversations through "monitoring" her own child's private conversations I would have gone ballistic and ended all electronic communications.
    via 5footfilly
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    WittyAndWeird NTA. If Chloe is busy she can just... not reply until she's done. Gina replying on her behalf IS weird. Poor Chloe.
    via WittyAndWeird
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    Immediate-Phrase-999 OP "If Chloe is busy she can just... not reply until she's done."-Trust me, I asked this. And apparently, Gina has to step in or the friends keep texting and that's annoying for Gina (who has the phone).
    via Immediate-Phrase-999
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    Frozen-Nose-22 I feel sorry for Chloe. She will meet someone who treats her like her mom does and thinks it's perfectly normal. It is not healthy. I don't even go through my own kids' phones. You did the right thing. Don't engage with someone like that. If someone's "busy", don't keep texting. Wait until they get a chance to reply back.
    via Frozen-Nose-22
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    HeatherM74 NTA - I agree you handled it well but also aren't we as parents encouraged to monitor our children's phones and internet usage? I am not going to fault her for that part. I've never checked my kids' phones unless they have broken my trust in relation to it. Out of 4 (now 26, 20, 18, and 16) I only felt need with my oldest over something I found out he sent a girl and things he was looking up online that were completely inappropriate for a 14 year old...or anyone (no, I'm not a prude).
    via HeatherM74
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    Immediate-Phrase-999 OP If I had a reason to check, I would (and my daughter is aware of this). As for now, she doesn't show any signs and willingly comes to me about things. She's even shown me things people have sent her that are troubling (boys asking for things they shouldn't be at this age). So, I trust her. If she did something to lose that trust, it'd be different. I don't know if Chloe did something for Gina to monitor. That's their business. That being said, even if I were to monitor my
    via Immediate-Phrase-999
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    Walking_wolff NTA. Does she put a microphone on her daughter too and listen in when she's talking to her friends? Teenagers need privacy, better to just talk with your kids if you want to know what they're up to.
    via Walking_wolff
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    imsowitty NTA. Having a kid with this much internet access in today's world is wild and parents deal with it differently. I wouldn't say Gina was in the wrong for monitoring her kid's texts, but her need to make you punish your daughter is excessive. If your daughter told her to 'f off' or called her something worse than a 'wierdo', it might warrant a response, but if she insists on interacting with teenagers, she needs to accept that they might act like teenagers. I have a 12y/o and it drives m
    via imsowitty
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    cruellacam95 I'm 30 but when I was a teen my parents were able to access text messages from their Verizon account and spy on me. They would block friends numbers. It was such an invasion of privacy
    via cruellacam95
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    Jadesparkk Seriously, Gina's acting like a controlling freak. And ur husband's being clueless. U did the right thing defending ur daughter and calling out Gina's weird behavior. She needs to learn boundaries, and u shouldn't have to sugarcoat it.
    via Jadesparkk
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    Wild Ticket1413 NTA. You handled this situation very well. What you told your daughter was spot on. Gina is a total looney. I feel bad for Chloe.
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    jbarneswilson NTA as a mom, i would handle this the same way. i feel so bad for chloe and would not be surprised if her mom doesn't see much of her once chloe is 18
    via jbarneswilson
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    oldladylikesflowers NTA. Kids deserve the opportunity to have private conversations. That mom is way too controlling and her poor daughter will start to rebel in all sorts of destructive ways...
    via oldladylikesflowers
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    Bluevanonthestreet It's not weird to monitor a 14 year olds phone use. In fact it's recommended to do it. It's basic internet safety. I've caught buying and suicidal intentions from other kids with random checks. My kids and their friends know I will randomly check. The suicidal intention was sent to the mom because that's not something to play about. Other than that I don't talk to the other parents about what is texted. I think that's an overstep. My kids also know not to message anything they
    via Bluevanonthestreet
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    raznov1 NTA, but i do think you should've taken your own advice - do not engage.
    via raznov1
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    Selfpsycho Gina can parent how she wants but she can't parent your child, especially when your child is in the right. She was being r_de and is not being controlling of not only her daughter but yours as well and that is something you need to put your foot down about. Avoiding doing so will negatively impact your daughter, Chloe is already going to flee first chance she gets, why would you follow Gina's example? NTA
    via Selfpsycho
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    Drewherondale NTA sounds like you and your daughter have a healthy relationship
    via Drewherondale
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    bigshot33 ΝΤΑ, I don't agree with monitoring a child's phone, unless there is a specific reason to. The things they talk about are literal normal conversations for teenagers. What are you supposed to ground your child for...having a crush? For being frustrated at a teacher? Chloes mom should not be texting using Chloe's phone. If she wants to monitor she should be doing that after Chloe goes to bed. It It just sounds like Gina is big mad you aren't parenting like she is. Like her way is the righ
    via bigshot33
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    Otherwise_Degree_729 NTA. Ginna's daughter will have a secret second phone if she already doesn't have one. She is not protecting her daughter, she is teaching her to keep secrets.
    via Otherwise_Degree_729

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friendship aita phone argument family texting reddit thread Reddit mom
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